I spent this weekend in Chicago. It was nice. I had a friend visiting from Quebec, I saw my ex, wandered around the city and fell in love with it all over again, like I often do. I am truly a wandering soul, and mind. My thoughts are always in other places, dreaming of unfamiliar places and longing nostalgically for the far away places I have already visited. One of my greatest downfalls is that my hopes and anxiousness lie here but anticipate the future, and I have been thinking I will move to Chicago for a great while. Now, in my senior year of college, with a solid internship/job and finally a clear direction of what i may want to do with my life, it’s creeping up close.
The sun was shining on us as we sipped coffee and ate brunch outside of a restaurant on the corner in a cute little neighborhood. Irving Park and Southport. It was our last meal with our friend visiting from Quebec and the day before our first day of classes, on our last year of undergrad. I felt warmed, by the sun on the outside and the black coffee slipping down on the inside. I felt happy because I saw my ex-boyfriend for the first time since things ended and it turns out, it’s not awkward at all, and still a lot of fun to be around him. I was content because I had caffeine and food in me and I knew we were heading home soon, but I felt anxious. I have been waiting a while to get out of this city and state. I like it here but I am ready to move on, and I don’t want to feel like I’m missing out on anything anymore. My feet naturally move fast, and often, with a clear direction, even when put on the spot. I am not second guessing myself, I am not uncertain or lost anymore. I know that I love to travel and to live in different places. I know that I am able to fend for myself in crazy big cities when I need to. After these couple years, I have grown a lot and now I am ready. I don’t want to feel stuck or guilty anymore. I want to do what I feel I should and use my passion and hard work to bring me somewhere that I have been dreaming of for a while.
We hugged for a while before I left. A lingering, tight hug that makes you feel secure and not ever want to let go. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to leave Chicago. I never do. It pulls on my heart when I’m away and now it feels like it’s pulling harder. It is telling me, there’s only so much time left and you’ll be here, for good. Let’s do this, and finish it so it pulls harder and faster.
“we’ll be back soon, we’ll see you real soon.” I said and we left.